You are living in a crucible. The pressure you describe has to be unbearable at times, and it sounds like the stress is taking its toll. As a teacher in the pandemic and working a second job, I can relate to much of what you are writing. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I am working 65 hours or more per week. It's exhausting, and there is so little time to do what I WANT to do.